From goodie bags at weddings to edible souvenirs, the Japanese love to give each other presents. The rules regarding gift exchange are so complicated that even the Japanese can't always keep them straight.
Gift bag
The various practices relating to gift exchange around the world have fascinated anthropologists for a very long time. In some cultures the rules that regulate such exchanges are clear-cut and well understood by all. In others, the system in place is so complex and the lines so blurry that even anthropologists have a hard time communicating the details.
Gift shop
Japan is a country that combines the two. Fairly clearcut rules do exist but putting them into words, or indeed following them, can be a daunting task. Look at omiyage, the region-specific edible souvenirs the Japanese seem to love so much. Anyone returning to work from a holiday or even a business trip is expected to come bearing gifts in the form of local delicacies. And while reciprocity is a fundamental feature of both gift exchange and Japanese culture, with omiyage things get complicated. What if someone doesn't take time off? Then that person is enjoying everyone else's gifts without ever having to return the favour. Strangely enough, that's considered acceptable. And if someone takes a lot of time off, then bringing more omiyage than one's colleagues is also normal.
Then you have wedding gifts, another minefield of expectations and obligations. First the happy couple throws a big party, treating everyone to some pretty expensive food and drinks. The guests, in turn, bring the newly-weds presents to congratulate them and help them start their life together. In Japan the most common gift is cash (goshugi).
Gift envelopes for money(goshugi)
Nothing strange so far, these practices can be found across the world. A not-so-common feature comes in the form of goodie bags for the guests (hikidemono), containing luxury items, gourmet desserts and even catalogues from which to choose one's own gift. And as if organizing a wedding and choosing the right gift bags wasn't hard enough, the newly-weds are expected to participate in yet another tradition: that of returning part of the goshugi money to those who were too generous with their goshugi contributions. Keeping all of the money is out of the question but so is giving back cash. The solution? A gift (kekkon uchiiwai) for the kind guests, worth about 1/3 or even 1/2 of the goshugi. Over the years I have heard of stories about receiving tropical fruit (quite expensive in Japan), shinkansen tickets or even silverware.
Note: Practices vary according to areas and families.
All of this made me wonder how the younger generations can keep up with all the rules but when I decided to ask, I got the same answer from every single person. "Google" they said, "we look it up on Google".
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